Crawl Space

I am the man with cheeks covered up and
with my heart nailed down
crying silently on my father’s lap
of course I wake with a start in the
peeling bedroom
enmeshed in the indigo field
in a cacophonous pool of memories
of things I never wanted to learn

the moon sways over me whitely
too quickly
bordered by the jungle
overgrowing outside the stable where I live

strange feelings overcame me when she left
like the cracking old image of a wave framing a lighthouse
like an octopus crawling on land

she was a goddess in her blood thirst
looking out of the window, a pre-ghost
I know the look of someone newly self-murdered
the moon’s trailing over me too quickly

outside the window, roofs darkly mask the sky
the sky the thatched colour of jeans
evening coming down like hair snipped over shoulders
everything in place for our inflatable vegan dinner
we sat courteously as adults, haloed by stained glass

efforts to understand me were lost
like music reverberating under water or a hammock pinged at one end
my safe word couldn’t reach her whilst her dishonesty
beat me into the crawl space
I nearly broke myself to be with her
(she got there first)
this was not outside my character

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